Unemployed

                   Do you really think that I enjoy being at home unemployed?  That it is one long yippee party?  That I enjoy having to depend on others when I depended on me?  I love being able to take care of myself.  I am strong and independent.  Don't you read the stories of the people who have applied for a gazillion jobs day after, waiting breathlessly for that phone to ring, waiting for those magical words of you're hired?  Don't you read the stories about the companies who don't want to give the unemployed a chance.  I'm a hard worker.  A good worker and if you gave me a chance I could show you that. Don't you think that I am stressed, at times depressed and most of the time desperate to be on my own two feet again?  Do you really think a forty-five year old woman wants to live at home with her parents?  I have nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Can't support myself.  Can't walk into a hairdresser and have my hair cut the way that I used to so now I look like Crazy Woman.  Can't walk into a supermarket and buy the food that I need because hey guess what I'd rather be at home, unemployed having one long yippee party.  Can't walk into a store and buy a new blouse cause guess what I'd rather wear the same five pieces of clothing over and over again.  Can't walk into a bookstore and pick up a book by one of my favorite authors cause guess what I'd rather be unemployed and at home having a long yippee party.  Don't lecture me.  Don't tell me what I have to do because what I want more than anything is my independence, my strenght and for these long yippee party days to be over.  Way over.  I want to hold my head up high.  I want my life back.    So instead of lecturing me tell me that's it going to be okay even if it's not.  I will get a job.  I will get back on my feet.  Maybe a little wobbly in the beginning and weak in the knees but I have this unshakable faith in myself that I can and will do this.  I don't want your pity.  Don't need it.  What I want.  What I need is a job and my self-respect back.  So when someone tells you they've been laid off don't look at them like they're something on the bottom of your shoe you want to scrape off.  Tell them it's going to be okay.  Hold out your hand.  These are very hard times we are living but I'm hoping to learn from this because I'm already learning how strong I am.  How this will not knock me to my knees.  I will hold up my head and you look you in the eye because I think deep inside you have this fear that yes this could be you at any moment and that is something no one ever wants to think about.